Cock and Ball Torture

Jesus unicycling Christ these fuckers make me laugh. I've listened to them sober, I've listened to them drunk, I've listened to them hungover, and it never fails. Step forward the band that most makes me want to form a record label called Trough, Cock and Ball Torture.

That rarest of types -- Germans with a sense of humour -- these lads might not have an indecipherable logo but that's more than made up for by having a suitably unpleasant name, the sort of thing you don't want to search for from your work PC, or leave in your google toolbar when you take a screenshot of something to send to your mother. It's nice that their official website comes up first when I search for it, 'cos I'm glad not to have to trawl through pages and pages of things like this:

1. Cock torture cbt trampling of balls and ball squeezing clamps cocktorture.
   Cock torture and ball torture femdom. Submissive men get their balls crushed and trampled. ... ENTER COCK TORTURE. Links: More Female domination and cock torture ...


2. Cock and ball torture - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
   Cock and ball torture (CBT) is a sexual activity involving torture of the male genitals. ... stories dealing with Cock & Ball Torture, Ballbusting and FemDom ...

when searching for them. Nice.

Anyway. Do this lot oink? Do they fucking ever. I dunno how he manages but this vocalist sounds like a family of pigs at feeding time. I've never heard vocals like it. I mean, really. There's a few tunes on their myspace page (pretty shitty sound on there) and more on the media page of their appalling-to-navigate website and have a listen. I defy anyone to not piss themselves laughing. The vocals at the start of the wonderfully named Anal Sex Terror, for example. The music's not half bad either. I mean I can't claim to be blown away by it, but that's possibly because I can't really concentrate on or hear it, beneath the vocals and my howls of laughter. The main riff in Poontang Clan sounds like a rip-off of something though, definitely familiar.

They're a touring band, internationally, which is handy. From their blog I see that they were meant to play last summer in the UK with Gorerotted but it fell through, and it doesn't seem like they've any dates lined up soon. Shame. It's not a phrase I ever really imagined I'd be saying but it seems I've no choice: I want to see Cock and Ball Torture live. Now lets see what ads google shoves on this entry.

• myspace.com/cockandballtorture
• cockandball.de

Oinking and squealing

There seems to be a death metal and grindcore renaissance going on these days and I love it. So, until such times as I inevitably just can't be arsed keeping this going any more, here's my attempt at briefly reviewing and publicising (hah!) the bands I come across. It's less than a month old but 2007 looks like being, as Annihilator claim, "The Year That Metal Returned In Full Force, With A Vengeance!!!", and that's a bandwagon I'm happy to jump on.

Mind you, as large as Annihilator are -- that fucking appalling third album notwithstanding (ignore the reviews on Amazon, those people are wrong) -- they mean metal in general. And while they may be right (I'm looking forward to seeing the Love/Hate reunion more than most people I know) I'm being a little more specific here. This blog is about bands with vocalists that sound like stuck pigs. Bands with unreadable logos and incomprehensible lyrics. Bands obsessed with gore or violence or misanthropy or chauvinism or just plain offensiveness for the sake of it. But mainly the logos and the sounding like pigs.

It's about Fleshrot and Crepitation. It's about Blasphtized, Beef Conspiracy and Lividity. It's about Cock and Ball Torture and Despondency. It's about Anoxia and Annotations Of An Autopsy. It's about oinkers and fucking squealers. Bring forth metal!